Saturday, October 11, 2008

Maureen Dowd Translated From The Original Latin

Credit where it's due: Maureen Dowd writes half of her op-ed on Sunday in Latin.

As a public service, I'll try and dust off my two decade-old mad Latin skills and translate:

(With all due apologies to Mr. Rheinschmidt...)

Manes Julii Caesaris paucis diebus aderant — “O, most bloody sight!” — cum Ioannes McCainus, mavericus et veteranus captivusque Belli Francoindosinini, et Sara Palina, barracuda borealis, qui sneerare amant Baracum Obamam causa oratorii, pillorant ut demagogi veri, Africanum-Americanum senatorem Terrae Lincolni, ad Republicanas rallias.

The spirts of the dead Julius Caesar are present -- "oh, most bloody sight!" with John McCain, maverick and prisoner of the war of French Indo-China and Sarah Palin, northern barracuda, who love to sneer on account of Barack Obama's speeches, pillorying and demogoging the African American Senator from the Land of Lincoln at Republican rallies.
Rabidi subcanes candidati, pretendant “no orator as Brutis is,” ut “stir men’s blood” et disturbant mentes populi ad “a sudden flood of mutiny,” ut Wilhelmus Shakespearus scripsit.

The rabid less-than-dogs of candidates pretend they are "no orator as Brutus is", as they "stir men's blood" and disturb the minds of the people to a "sudden flood of mutiny" as William Shakespeare wrote.
Cum Quirites Americani ad rallias Republicanas audiunt nomen Baraci Husseini Obamae, clamant “Mortem!” “Amator terroris!” “Socialiste!” “Bomba Obamam!” “Obama est Arabus!” “Caput excidi!” tempus sit rabble-rouseribus desistere “Smear Talk Express,” ut Stephanus Colbertus dixit. Obama demonatus est tamquam Musulmanus-Manchurianus candidatus — civis “collo-cerviciliaris” ad ralliam Floridianam Palinae exhabet mascum Obamae ut Luciferis.

When the screaming Americans at the Republican rallies hear the name "Barack Hussein Obama", they exclaim "Death!," "Lover of terorists!," "Socialist!," "Bomb Obama!," "Obama is an Arab!," "Cut off his head!" the time has come as Stephen Colbert says, to stop "the Smear Talk Express." Obama is demonized just as if he was a Muslim Manchurian candidate -- a citizen "stag's neck(?)" exhorts to Palin's Florida rally that Obama is the Devil.
Obama non queretur high-tech lynching. Sed secreto-serventes agentes nervosissmi sunt.

Obama did not ask for a high-tech lynching. But Secret Service agents are extremely nervous.
Vix quisque audivit nomen “Palinae” ante lunibus paucis. Surgivit ex suo tanning bed ad silvas in Terram Eskimorum, rogans quis sit traitorosus, ominosus, scurrilosus, periculosus amator LXs terroris criminalisque Chicagoani? Tu betchus!

Scarcely any person heard the name "Palin" prior to a few moons (ago). Emerging from her tanning bed to the forests in Eskimo-land, now she is asking everyone who is the most traitorous, most ominous, most scurrilous, most dangerous lover of 60's terrorists and criminals of Chicago? You betcha!
“Caeca ambitio Obamana,” novum rumorem Palina McCainusque dixit. “Cum utilis, Obama laborat cum amatore terroris Wilhelmo Ayro. Cum putatus, perjuravit.” McCainianus bossus maximus Francus Keatinx vocat Obamam, “plebeium,” et ut iuvenum snifferendum cocaini minimi (“a little blow.”)

"From blind ambition comes Obama," Palin and McCain say a new rumor. "For an advantage, Obama worked with the lover of terrorists, William Ayres. With a pruner(?), he lies." McCain's big leader Francis Keating said Obama was "a plebe" and, as a youth he must have sniffed a little cocaine.
Cum Primus Dudus, spousus Palinanus, culpari attemptaret “Centurionem-Gate,” judices Terrae Santae Elvorumque castigat gubernatricem Palinam de abusu auctoritatis per familiam revengendum.

While the First Dude, the husband of Palin, attempted to be blamed for "Centurion-gate", the judges of the land of Santa's Elves chastened the lady-Governor Palin concerning the abuse of authority for the purpose of familial revenge.
Tamen Sara et Ioannes bury Obama, not praise him. Maverici, ut capiunt auxilium de friga-domina, hench-femina, Cynthia McCaina Birrabaronessa, (quae culpat Obamam periculandi suum filum in Babylonia), brazen-iter distractant mentes populares de minimissimis IV 0 I K.ibus, deminutione “Motorum Omnium,” et Depressione Magna II.0. Omnes de Georgio Busio Secundo colossale goofballo. “V” (because there’s no W. in Latin) etiam duxit per disastrum ad gymnasium.

Notwithstanding Sarah and John bury Obama not praise him. The Maverices along with the their chief aide, the frost-lady, henchwoman Cindy McCain, beer-baroness (who blamed Obama for putting her own son in maximum danger in Babylon) brazenly distract the minds of the people from their decimated 401ks, the shrinking "General Motors" and the Great Depression 2.0. This is all from "W", George Bush the second, the colossal goofball certainly is leading through disaster to the gym.
Gubernatrix (prope Russia) Palina, spectans candidaciam MMXII, post multam educationem cum Kissingro et post multam parodiam de Sabbatis Nocte Vivo atque de Tina Feia, ferociter vituperat Obamam, ut supralupocidit (aerial shooting of wolves) in Hyperborea.

The lady-Governor (lying next to Russia) Palin, looking to be a candidate in 2012, after much learning with Kissinger and much parody from Saturday Night Live and Tina Fey, will insult Obama arrogantly, in the manner of shooting wolves from the air, North of Thrace.
Vilmingtoni, in Ohionem, McCain’s Mean Girl (Ferox Puella) defendit se gladiatricem politicam esse: “Pauci dicant, O Jupiter, te negativam esse. Non, negativa non sum, sed verissima.” Talk about lipsticka in porcam! Quasi Leeus Atwater de oppugnatione Busii Primi ad Dukakem: “non negativus, sed comparativus.”

In Wilmington, Ohio, McCain's mean girl defended herself being a warrior-politician-lady, "O Jupiter, some people say that this is negative. No. It is not negative, but the highest truth." Talk about lipstick on a pig! Just as Lee Atwater (said) about George Bush the First's assault to Dukakis: "it's not a negative, but a comparison."

93 comments:

Lisa Colton said...

This makes me want to look up Chuck Reinschmidt (sp?) and send him this link.

Mo MoDo said...

Thanks for the translation. That is a great and noble public service.

MATTHEW ROSE said...

Bravo! I could 1/2 figure it out with my French and Spanish and Italian. Love "Dudus!"

ewa said...

Love it, particularly "Emerging from her tanning bed to the forests in Eskimo-land"

murf888 said...

I could 1/2 figure it out from my pathetic Catholic Mass and Choir Latin from the 50s, but this is so much more entertaining. Thanks!!

Matthew Humphrey said...

Pretty good translation. I just have a few cavils and emendations:

"Rabidi subcanes candidati" : I'd translate as "the rabid underdog candidates".

"Quirites Americani" : "American citizens"

"collo cerviciliaris" : was a head-scratcher for me, too. I think she was aiming at "redneck", though I'm not sure how the first element, "hill" gets you there. ("Hillbilly"? But that leaves the second part, "pertaining to the neck" out in the cold).

"Cum putatus" : "as thought".

Other than those, good job.

Matthew Humphrey said...

Oops, one more.

"exhabet mascum Obamae ut Luciferis" : "exhibits a mask of Obama as Lucifer".

Matt

maria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
maria said...

Bless you for doing this. I was going to try, but I'm pretty sure it would have been harrowing.

88 said...

Good job. Thank you.

Albert said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Atlanta Lea said...

Could 'collo cerviciliaris' be translated as moose-neck? deer-neck? My Latin is extremely rusty, but I loved this. Shades of Asterix, some of those descriptive titles...

odp said...

One other slight correction: "Obama non queretur high-tech lynching..." translates as Obama isn't complaining about the high-tech lynching... 'Queretur' is 'complain,' not 'ask.' See: 'querulous.'

Terri Gold said...

This uneducated citizen needed this translation. I love Dowd's column.
Tu Betchus!

Michael said...

Nice job. I'm in the camp that believes "collo cerviciliaris" was probably shooting at redneck.

Valley said...

Thanks for the effort. You did a great job.

DeterioraSequor said...

"Caeca ambitio Obamana: From blind ambition comes Obama."

In this case I think the author meant to make Obama an adjective, which would create the striking phrase, in English, "Blind, Obaman ambition," which I think captures the GOP sneer better than "From blind ambition comes Obama."

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JP Farrell & Associates, Inc. said...

Brilliant work all around! May I polish the apple a bit more?

“Cum putatus” may translate simply to “As was to have been expected.”

The troublesome sentences beginning “Maverici” may actually be a single sentence with a stray period before “omnes,” leaving “V” as the first word in the next sentence. That would leave us something like:

“The Mavericks, even as they seek the help of the ice-woman leader, henchwoman Cindy McCain, beer-baroness (who blamed Obama for putting her own son in maximum danger in Babylon) brazenly distract the minds of the people from their decimated 401ks, the shrinking "General Motors" and the Great Depression 2.0., all these people are yet followers of George Bush the Second, the colossal goofball. W was still leading them from disaster to the playground."

Thanks to you and Maureen for reminding us of the rich heritage of Roman language and thought. I see she slipped a "lacuna" into today's column as well.

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